Time to get those anti-depressants out

On paper, this should've been a good week. The marathon is over, so that's one big project off my to-do list. Most of the stuff I need to get done at work have already been done, or are moving along well enough so no worries on that front either. And it surely makes sense that after I go rafting in Cagayan De Oro, snorkeling in Coron, and after a kick-ass gig, I should be on Cloud 9 right now. Or thereabouts.

But the truth of the matter is I'm not. In fact, it's quite the opposite really. I don't even recall the last time I have felt this depressed and down-trodden.

I felt so bad at the end of the day today that I was just supposed to have a quick dinner. But when I was done, I just realized I could not go back to my desk. I just couldn't. Ah, maybe I could watch "The Wedding Crashers." After all, as they say, laughter is the best medicine. Well, it was funny all right and a great movie. But the moment I stepped out of the theater, the weather seemed to match my disposition as the rain was pouring. And I had no umbrella.

I think that's where the problem lies. I don't feel like I have an umbrella while the rain is pouring. It's like no one's got my back. And everyone around me wants a piece of me. Or no, not even just a piece, more like a chunk. Right now, though, it doesn't feel like there is enough of me to go around. I've been holding the fort wearily for far too long, and the reinforcements don't seem to be anywhere in sight. Can anyone say 'exhaustion'?

Of course I do know that holding the fort is not bad. Makes you feel like people can count on you, that you are the go-to guy who makes things happen. That you can be trusted. That's always a good thing.

But the moment people take your willingness to help out as an indicator that you exist for the sole purpose of helping them whenever they need you, then it becomes tough. No, it becomes abusive. And shitty. And sad. This week has felt shitty because it seems as though everything I do isn't working. When you try to be diplomatic, you get maligned and manhandled. When you raise your voice, you become rude and unprofessional. When you tell someone you'll get them something done, they hound you until they get it from you. When you tell people you'll help out, they all of a sudden look at you to lead. Then when you ask someone to do something for you, they don't do it. Or don't do it well so you end up stepping in anyway to fix things. What a f*cking nightmare.

And I think what simply compounds things is that it's not just one bad thing happening, but so many bad things happening all at the same time. When that happens, you just feel like you can't breathe.

Guess I'm just gonna try and hold my breath a little longer. See how things turn up...

(I'll post the fun stories about my recent trips when I am in a better mood)